This may not be the most subtle approach
For the things I have it to say
I swear I love you with all my heart
But darling, you’re an awful lay.
To be fair I must acknowledge
That you put everything in the right place
But must you really pant so hard
And drool all over my face?
You do realise my breasts are attached
They are an actual part of me
They are not meant to be juggled and pulled about
What do you think that will achieve?
My nipples have nerve endings in great supply,
They are sensitive to a touch
So no biting or pinching or twisting required
If you don’t mind too much.
As for your kisses, (if they can be so called)
Must you really use so much spit
And force your tongue to the back of my throat
I don’t enjoy it one bit.
If you have been smoking, could you please brush your teeth
Before you latch onto my face,
It’s not a bit pleasant or sexy or nice
When your breaths a disgrace.
I won’t go into details, but when you’re thrusting about
Could you please try to improve your aim
And hit the right spot one thrust out of two
To insure our mutual gain.
For my final word on the subject
Could you please get it in to your head
That the only gentlemanly and kind thing to do
Is to give me the dry side of the bed.