Poem

What if, hypothetically speaking, we were to have a conversation about this,
And I was to tell you that, even after all this time, I’m still angry
Because I feel that you could have done something more.
Would you think that, maybe, you could apologise for your inaction,
And could we begin to dismantle the wall of silence and hurt that has grown between us.

What if I was to outline for you how hurt after hurt had built up into something insurmountable
That colours every moment of every day, blacking out hope or happiness.
Would you understand and maybe tell me that the knowing had hurt you too,
Or would you wish that I would let sleeping dogs lie.

And if I was to magically strip away time and the decisions that were made then
Would you make different choices, take a different path
And change the past for the sake of the present,
Or would you still pretend that you did enough, and that sometimes these things just happen.

It’s very easy for us both to look at a woman and forget that she was once also a child.
Sometimes I would like to trap you in my moments so you could feel them too,
But mostly I would like to be able to love you
Without it being so tied up in hate and unhappiness and regret.

I would like to have a conversation about this, but I am choked by what ifs.