We are now on the, I dunno, 7 millionth attempt to stop smoking, and this morning I went into the shop to get some juice and left with 20 cigarettes. I hadn’t even thought about buying them, I just walked up to the till, asked for 20 Marlboros and left (minus the juice). I was halfway through a smoke before I remembered that I was supposed to be giving up.
(At this point I should say a big thank you to my first boss in the petrol station where I worked when I was 14 for finding it amusing to teach me how to smoke… not that I was arguing, it seemed like a very grown up thing to be doing.)
But I’ve no excuse now, I know all of the dangers, I know how bad they are for me and how they damage my bank balance but still I smoke. The crux of it is that I am a smoker, I don’t remember a time when I didn’t smoke… 20 a day, everyday for the last 11 years and despite all of the warnings I keep smoking for one reason alone… I like them… or so my nicotine addicted system will have me believe.
So far willpower and patches have failed, my sister is suggesting hypnotism but the idea doesn’t appeal to me at all (oogly boogly scary stuff) … maybe some kind of clockwork orange type aversion therapy… or then again, maybe not.
I think I shall accept my weakness, indulge in my little addiction and hope they have found cures for anything I get by the time I am old enough to start suffering for the damage I’m doing now, definitely the sensible choice… I shall give up on giving up so.